Tuesday, November 14, 2006
I wonder... What is happening to me...... its weird~~~~
I've been wanting to go UNSW sydney.... or UQ at queensland..... So now that I have the chance to.. why am I hesitating or even~~ not wanting to go.... Its weird.... No its not the people here tt's holding me back~~ I know what I have to do right now and tt is to prioritise my studies... So~~~ Even if it is hard to leave.. I know I am prepared.. I mean I was prepared to leave even before I completed my diploma coz my dad already did tell me that I am to go to Adelaide... So now when he's giving me the chance to go sydney or queensland... I am straining myself back~~~
Partly the reason is becoz... I am scared.. Never mind what you guys will think of me but~~yah~~ I am afraid of going over to Australia or where ever~~ Simply put, I dont want to leave my comfort zone in Singapore.. But if I dont go~~ I wont be able to experience the world the way I want to.. Sure I can be a tourist next time.. But I'm pretty sure that the experience will be different from having to stay at the country... So~~~
I am afraid I wont be able to handle the freedom I'd get if I am to go out... I had tt freedom in Singapore... but becoz it is Singapore.. and becoz of the people around me.. I didnt have the chance to abuse it.. hee! But when I go out... The peer... the environment... and everything else... will I be able to hold myself back? I've alwaes been confident that I can and I will..Somehow now.. I begin to doubt myself...That's why I said something is very wrong with me... I never even once doubted myself in the past... Why now.. Why now that the doors are open I am hesitating? Perhaps becoz I saw what happened to others but~~where the heck did my confidence flew off to!? GRAGH!!!!!
I dunno la.. apart from being confused on why I am hesitating.. I am confused looking at myself and the way I am thinking~~~~This is weird... Really weird~~~I'm someone who doesnt like changes.. yet I feel myself changing these days... WHY??? and worst thought.. Is it for the better or for the worst?????? And~~~ I am alwaes worried these past few days?? When someone doesnt reply to my msn or to my sms... I got worried like dunno wad! Did I offend them? Did I say sth I wasnt suppose to say? Did I this.. Did I that... Sometimes it even came to a point I felt like crying! This is tiring!!!! Lol! okai sorry.. I know its weird...sigh~ I dunno ah~ Like.. The Shintya now is so breakable... What the heck is happening to me man~~ Needa do some soul searching liao.. I feel so... Not Me~
she told
the story ...
21:18
