Monday, September 18, 2006
izzit really so wrong just to be myself? i am such a pest tt i cant even exist as me? that i have to change for the "better"? in the first place wad did i do wrongly? apa salah wa if i go down to the swimming pool so i can have the mother nature accompanying me while i think and brood over stuffs? ngga bole? geto juga ngga bole? mank wa ini apa? mesin? all i need to do is just study n nothing else should bother me? i am only human.. and i am only me~i am only me~ so if u insist that i cant be me.. who am i?
u know... if i have a car... if i have somewhere to run to.. i would...
if i have someone i can run to... if i have someone i can completely confide into about anything under the sky.. what i wouldnt do....
u rly want me to be who u want me to be? which is to stay at home n tts it? fine... whatever.. i am tired as it is... see loh.. see what becomes of me loh.. u think tts my better half.. i say i dont like tt side of me.. i rather be loud i rather go mingle around with my friends.. u cant see me for who i am... and you claim u gave birth to me.. u keep thinking tt u are right and i am alwaes wrong in no matter what i do.. then what else can i do but to change myself to be who u want me to be? then again if i do tt.. who am i? can i still say i am never changed i am still the same old me?
I hate changes.. i dont want to change.. i wanna stay like this no matter how tough life gets.. its becoz i am who i am that i can make it this far.. i am a kid.. but wad do u know about me.. nothing... absolutely nothing n yet u claim to know me and want to set me in the right path coz u can never go wrong... what makes u so sure? for all i know.. u are destroying the shell i am comfortable being in....
the world is full of pain u said.. what do u know... wad do u knw about the scars tt i might already have? tho its nothing to be compared to other's scars.. why do u alwaes think i am never satisfied? dont u know it is really very easy to satisfy me? why do u think that i am someone who is very how do u say... only want the happy stuffs? coz i grow up tt way.. i want to be happy.. why do i brood over stuffs that makes me depressed.. why do u insist that i have to dwell on my problem? i dont like it... why cant u just accept me the way i am.. what izzit that u hate so much from me? why are others not having any difficulties accepting me but my own family wont? what izzit that u want me to be? what?
the way i am now.. i am someone who is outgoing.. talks a lot to a lot of people.. coz i enjoy it? its not so much about the going out but so much more about who i went out with? its never a problem to go out on my own coz i know i am not alone? u say i am alwaes not contended with wad i have? hw wrong u are but u will never know... when all i want is to have someone who love me by my side.. u drove him away n i go ahead with it.. have u any idea how broken this heart was? if it not for another guy who was there to keep me together from a distance i wouldnt know wad would become of me today... u think i am someone who is alwaes going against ur words... but have u noticed how fragile i can be? well i suppose u'll never know... coz i can never be fragile when i am at home.. coz i am like tt pillar that when anything happens.. i am the support.. my sis's too young.. my mom's too unstable with the way she thinks.... so wad choice do i have?
when i was having my papers and mom was going through tt stage of wanting to move out of the house and what not.. who suffers? i studied doubly hard... i did everything on my own... i passed the module and its really something i am proud of coz i can get through that period of time on my own.. bt wad izzit tt u see in me? still the stupid n kuku girl who only know how to oppose u n go out till late at night? cant u see how much i've grown? cant u see how much i've tried to juggle a lot on my own? and what do u see? what am i in ur eyes... what izzit.... i want to know..no matter how many changes i go through.. u can never be satisfied.. i am only human.. even superman has the right to bleed.. has the right to feel pain.. i am only human.. cant i? i am never perfect.. n tts all i know...
she told
the story ...
13:04
