Midnight Silhouette

Saturday, July 23, 2005

sadz~~~ very sadz~~~ i dont feel like doing anything anymore.... i dunno~~~ i dunno wad is wrong with my mom~~~ fine mayb she cares.. mayb she want the best for me.. mayb she thinks its better off if i spend the time at home rather than with my friends... but... tts.... my life? i know mayb she's just trying to talk to bring me to my senses which is ideal for her la.. but its like.. my life? i know wad i'm doing? i may be like this stupidly rebellious n all... but i still have the brain?? dont think tt by saying "if dad knows dad will blow his top" i'd go stammering n hid behind the shadows... i know how scary my dad can be... but i happen to know also tt dad trust me... and i WILL NOT do anything to betray tt trust can? and dad is sooo much a better speaker than mom is! gragh! i find it easier to talk to dad now.....

God must be punishing me for lying so much to mom la... but like wad else can i do.. the mention of the name HAN! is enough to make her rant for the whole day about HOW I SHOULD AVOID HIM~ well yea.. coz i told my mom me n han is just friends... tts my fault... coz if i told her we are together? HELL~ she'll do everything she can to separate us lah trust me~~~ much as it pains me to lie to her.. it pains me even more to hear her talk about han like tt...

"his shape of face tells me u have no future with him"
"of course his family wouldnt mind to have a girl like u as inlaws lah"
"u will just suffer in the future if u marry him"

it hurts la k~~ i dunno wad the heck is she thinking?? c'mon she dont even knw him...and for one thing his family is nothing of tt sort k!!! seriously lah! she dunno anything.. yet she can talk until like tt... like~~~ base on WHAT is she saying all those???(there were more!!) HIS FACE??? she insisted tt i am madly in love hence i cant see anything or wadever la! fine i wont deny the fact tt i am madly in love.. but i am sure as hell.. i DIDNT LOSE MY HEAD! just yet!!!i still can tell wads right wads wrong can???the reason of me not going overseas.. some is becoz of him.. some is bcoz i am not ready!! okai??? things are not as simple as it seems and I HAVE MY OWN REASONS! i dont care if u guys says i cant take care of my sis if i go on living my life like this... i might not be able to take care of her as well as when kor take care of me... i have my own life!!! took off this whole week caring for her coz mom is not around la k?

i dunno why.. she's just talking on things tt she doesnt even see!!! (i suppose my stupidity in assuming things originate from her...) now when i say i have school it become.. "oh go meet han n date ah?" I HATE THE WAY SHE KEEPS ON BRINGING UP HAN! as much as i want han to stick to me as much as he can HE DOESNT!!! he has his own life!!! someone make her see that!!!! omg!!! i really dont understand!!! but I REALLY HATE THE WAY SHE KEEPS ON BRINGING UP HAN~! just for once la k! i really want her to see tt MY LIFE = HAN! gragh!!!! (he is a large part of it but still not it! =x)

"go n find some other guy"
"of course if others know u have boyfriend who will want to go after u?"

so like wad is her point now?? ANYONE ELSE IS FINE OTHER THAN HAN?? is she even being fair at all?????? wad the hell is it tt she want?? why must she insist the fact tt han is like so bad like tt?? what makes her think tt han is the worst of the worst?? wad makes her so confident tt other guys will be soooo perfect??? and fine i am blind!!!!! i am blinded by love!! and i dont care!! seriously~~ i DONT KNOW anything about the future!!! ALL I KNOW IS RIGHT NOW! I WANT TO BE RIGHT HERE! n tts all! gragh!!!!

then comes the saying
"dont spend so much time with ur friends lah.. come home anywae got me n shan liao"
(does tt means i have to GET OUT OF MY SOCIAL LIFE???? no cant do la k?)
"oh.. band people again ah? stop going out with them la.. go out with others.."
(JUST WAD THE HECK IS SHE TRYING TO POINT AT?!?!?!?!?!? she's really making my blood boil...)
"i bet if han is not around u wont want to hang out with them so much..."
(I CHOSE TO GO OUT WITH THEM!!!! NOTHING TO DO WITH HAN!!!!!! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAD THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

and if u want to say tt han's life will be a difficult one... i think i can forsee tt too! if he is to have such a difficult mother in law like my mom! seriously! i think no matter how difficult it is.. if u just see his parents..they work out nicely loh! even tho they work their bones out n everything la i suppose but like who doesnt? at least they are still happy n content right~? i really really dunno wad is wrong with mom lah!!! and its so frustrating when i cant voice all these up! sigh~~~ advices anyone? lolx

she told the story ... 00:25