Midnight Silhouette

Sunday, June 12, 2005

i put it small small so no one will read.. or at least be too strained.. to read..muahahahaha.... lol!! okai wadever.. its just another complaining entry and yea.. i just need to shake off some irritating thoughts and feelings swelling up in me.. hehehe

okai~~ so.. wadever i say is already redundant? it doesnt matter anymore? or izzit u've become such an attention seeker and u want hell as many girls as possible to cheer for u or sth? (okai i really need to shake it off so i just write it out kk?? then aft tt forget bout this entry.. i'm just feeling so shitty now...)

how many times have i said tt u are a good player? how many times have i said u did a good job? u just dont believe me anymore do u? u think i am saying all those just to make u happy? F*** no lah~~ wads with the...
" do u really think i'm tt good? no la i am not tt good..." and the other girl will go
" no la.. in NP u are a very good player liao... "
shiet u people la seriously i just feel like banging my head on the wall.. lol! i know she's a good girl.. i know she's a nice person i JUST CANT HELP IT!!!!!!! in my eyes right now he's just SUCH A WOMANISER can??

everything also her.. her this her tt.. heck she actually forgot my name.... and wads with the...
"pei- ing ur girlfriend right?" and he DARE TO GO
" why? jealous ah?"

u know i just feel like slapping his face.. bite his arms off and wadever there is i can do to torture him at tt moment? (okai i know i'm not thinking straight but ya.. tts how i felt... not anger nor despair.. not sad.. more like being agonised.. being silently tortured...yet there's nothing i can do about it..) (and i think he can be the next first class pervert or mayb "world class" pervert...)

and i dunno la.. i seriously think its time for me to stop worrying about him since its NOT appreciated anymore.... everything i say will just and alwaes be wrong.... just like the day before concert about the section breakfast? its like wth loh.. i already told him no cannot leave at 10 go earlier.. he raised his voice n say "like i f***-ing care..." and when amanda told him we will meet at kap at 9? all he says is "okai" bloody hell!!!! okai fine he's closer to me so he can say wadever he want to say to me~~ FINE!! i accept that!!! but wad the hell la!!!! its just so idiotic loh!!!!! i rather be his friend ah like tt!!! at least i dont feel shitty??? at least i dont feel as if my role in his life is really just getting smaller n smaller la~~~ the insecurities in me i honestly gotta say is getting more again can~~~ and i have no idea why la~~~~ and all he does to me everydae is this~~~~

sometimes i really wonder what is a role of a girlfriend? u dont take care of ur boyfriend and he goes sick... others will come to me n say... oh.. u never take care of ur boyfriend.. he's sick u still ask him to go around.. he's sick u never take care of him.. he's sick u never ask him sleep... i sick le? oh its just my own fault not taking care of MYSELF properly... like... wad the? for ur info i seriously think i CAUGHT! the flu bug from him ah!! felt sick ever since i went to his house n stayed by his side lah~~ and this is wad i get.. really.... I DONT WANT TO BE BOTHERED ANYMORE!!!why the heck did i stay by his side n in the end caught his bug? and in the end i gotta take care of myself anywae coz he got other things to do or sth..... its not... seriously.. not.. appreciated even by the person itself.. mayb he just doesnt show it la but... i dunno~~ it stinks....
Shintya....
S - shitty.. stinks....
h- hell
i-idiotic
n-neglcted
t-teary?
y-yearning
a-abused...
LOL!!!!

okai....

-end of small print entry-

she told the story ... 04:25