Midnight Silhouette

Friday, April 15, 2005

well..here i am getting all wrapped up in thoughts again.. hate it when i am like that.. doesnt feel like the carefree shintya anymore.. maybe its time to stop being so heck care anywae.. but.. still doesnt feel right....

'tis about my further studies and the life of the future... (sounds so.. chim) know that it'll be useless to think about it now... probably better if i just live life as it is and then see how it turns out to be.... but then another question pops... will i be able to take and cope with everything that'll be thrown to me in the future? will i be able to handle it? well its not here yet so dwelling on it wont help... just... worried.. really... lol~!

began thinkin' about my future studies ever since i know shanny is coming to singapore.. kor been helpin out by trying to get shanny to study in australia so i can get out of sg when the time comes...

honestly.. i think i have split personality..( LOL!) okai not that bad.. haha.. its just tt.. half of me wish i can stay and carry on living in singapore.. the other half say.. damn i am bored staying in singapore for so long already and its time for me to get out.. anywae just like my dad say its probably better if i can go out all the way to america to continue in Biotech... there is like where i can really pursue the major properly....

despite knowing that its best that i go out to carry on further studies... despite knowing that i probably wouldnt make it to the uni in singapore.. i still hesitate.. tts why sometimes i wish i can use shanny as an excuse not to leave singapore.. but wad ma rui said is true also..
" if u dont go when u have the chance.. then when else u can go??"
and its funny how i used to be asking mom n dad to let me go out from singapore and follow kor.. perhaps if i have had done so it wouldnt be so bad.. i think i can just let it go easier...coz i have nothing to bind me here...

Now... counting the friends i've made so far.. even tho we dont get all sticky like how friends used to be in sec school... they're more precious... lol! i dun understand why either la.. but it really seems as though we've been through a lot together even tho we are not together physically... okai wadever.. dont think i can express it in words.. its just.. special.. lol~!
and further more there is han.. ae he already say i can go.. its just that....... bleah.... i dunno how to explain la..

it sounds stupid it sound idiotic but i dunno why its just so so so difficult to let go of life in singapore right now.. and i used to hate life in singapore so much... still kinda hating the quick pace tho.. its stressing me out.. i wanna go out there to somewhere where its not so stressful.. which means i gotta go out and adjust again... oh well...

wadever it is.. i know when the time comes for me to go..its not like i can defy my father.. lol! and its not like i wanna go to uni here... scared of it.. hahahaha .. so i guess when its time... i'll go through with it... just hope i'm strong enough to do it.. khekhekhe

she told the story ... 23:47