Monday, September 13, 2004
the long awaited time of the day is finally here.... the only time i am looking forward to so much.. which is the time when i can talk to han on the phone.... but for some family function thingy.. he can only be home at about 12 45 he said.......... so naturally when he only called at 1 20... i was super down and super sad + angry...................... i only ask him a few qs.. and i kanna scolded.... *ouch* i know he is tired.. but.... nvm ba.. dun think he will understand why am i like this on sundays... he shoot back asking me havent he called me enough for the day? and that i should be grateful tt he called......... i am grateful... but he only called coz one.. he is not with his friends anymore.. and 2 becoz he is waiting for his parents to arrive... like d'oh loh.......
doesnt mean i dun want to talk at night? he is alwaes like tt... dunno why... when i wanted to talk to him so much.. he'll just scold me back screaming " havent i spent enuf time with u?" * it hurts so much loh... and he said i made it sounds like i am sad or sian becoz he is not around..
no i am not making it sound like tt.. it IS like that... the reason i hate sunday so much is because i have no one to be with other than my tv set.. and my laptop.. who wont be able to talk to me.. or to eat with me... for the whole afternoon no one will be online... who am i to talk to? the 4 walls? the many times i wanted to go out on my own.. he'll say " siao~ why go out alone~" simply becoz everyone else is having family day....... my relatives here is busy with their own family... han is busy with his own to the extend tt he is thinkin i am depending on him too much.... effie has got her bf and her classmates.. my classmates are busy with their own family...
u know how much i envy u all so much for having your family around? and when night comes.. i'll be sitting alone there trying to do my work... with some song coming out from my lappy.. and occasional screaming from my grandma.. like...... after 10.. will be sitting by the phone.. starring at comp screen.. hoping han will come online b4 i can call him so i can have someone to talk to... but... ya la.. i think i am being more n more of a burden to him... i just.. want someone to talk to.....and to me.. the person to go to is u..... is that wrong.... now... cant even talk to him.. and i was hoping so much to be having a good chat before i go to sleep..and that is why.. i didnt go to sleep even tho its 1+..... i just.. want to talk....i really really just want to talk..........
nothing goes correctly for me today... wanted to go out with u so much..... but when i learnt tt u are out with ur friends... cant help to feel disappointed.... wanted to eat dinner with u so much.. even if i cant go to the airport... wanted to just meet u and have a dinner... but u never replied.. and when u at last u called me... u already had ur dinner and on the way to the airport.. and to think tt i didnt eat coz i was still hoping i can go dinner with u.. naturally when i found out u had urs... tt's my 2nd disappointment... and now.. wanted so much to talk to u before i sleep that i tried to keep awake so much... but in the end.... didnt get to talk to u either.... -_- ="(
and now.. i dunno who to talk to... and i dunno how to lighten these disappointments + sadness + tears...... maybe.. i really am by right alone or something.... wished u would call me back.. but i think u fall asleep liao.... so.....
sorrie for being a burden... didnt mean to.... good night..............
she told
the story ...
01:29
