Midnight Silhouette

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

hehe... cried a lot last night... couldn't sleep well last night... kinda hurt myself last night....but funny... wonder why i can be feeling so calm after that....it just.. feels as if my heart just left... or perharps it just decided to open up more....

i used to be scared to be losing hannie.. even though i know he wont leave me.. so many factors out there that might make him do even the impossible.. beginning of a new year for the 2 of us... and yet.. this happened... i really do know how fragile a relationship can be... and i'm gonna leave it as it is.... be it fragile.. be it strong... i'll do wad i can.. if its still hurting me.. or if its still decided tt the love i had is not the right one.. i'll know....

i no longer afraid.. of losing hannie.. i'll just trust him.. i hope i can do it.. and from now on.. i've decided.. no matter how sad/torn/shitty i felt.. i wont complain... i'll just flash my smile around.. :) i forgot how wonderful a smile is for i've been living in fear... :p not only it calms myself.. i think at least han wont get so agitated too.. i dun wanna make him angry/sad anymore... forget it.. he shall do whatever he want.. and i shall be there for him for as long as he wants me to.. even if he does stop loving me.. i'm ready for it.. just like the previous time with abe.. i am ready for anything ahead... i wun cry any more.. i wont drop a tear anymore..i wont let my eyes to droll anymore... (at least not in front/on the phone with him).. i'm gonna be a happy one... and with tt.. this.. is gonna be my new year (with him) resolution... :)

smile alwaes~

she told the story ... 08:42